First, some backstory

In 1997, I picked up a discarded grocery list at a St. Louis supermarket. I found it to be a fascinating glimpse into a stranger’s life and decided to pick them up whenever I found one. In 2000, I posted my collection of about 40 lists to the web. By 2004, when the New York Times Magazine profiled me and this collection, I had about 500. In early 2006 I started working on a book about these lost lists and by the time it was published in May 2007, there were 1,600 lists on the site (with thousands more yet to be scanned and posted).

The book, Milk Eggs Vodka: Grocery Lists Lost and Found, features about 300 of the best: The funniest, the weirdest, the saddest, the strangest, the unhealthiest and more. Simply put, it is a strange, fascinating and hilarious look at other peoples’ discarded grocery lists. Published by HOW Books, it’s hardcover, 240 pages, full-color — a beautiful compilation of shopping habits, spelling quirks and good fun. Learn more about the book at www.milkeggsvodka.com.

The original Top 10 lists of 2001-2005 were the genesis of the book! If you think these are funny, the book’s even better. I swear. If you don’t think these are funny, then buy the book for someone you don’t like!

Yet another year-end roundup

28 Dec 2008 | It is what it is.

1. List #1719: It’s that special, secret ingredient that makes momma’s spaghetti so, so good.
2. List #1703: These are best type of avocado — they selflessly plead the causes of others; defend or maintain causes or proposals; and support or promote the interests of others. Nice advocado.
3. List #1711: Ewww. You forgot “gum.”
4. List #1137: The perfect New Year’s Eve recipe: Drink a lot, take naughty pictures, vomit into toilet, clean up.
5. List #1737: What, you don’t like my Schwetty Balls?
6. List #1131: That’s a real powerful addiction: Cigarettes AND nicotine gum.
7. List #1738: Seriously, this is a Very Important Message.
8. List #1127: Seems normal enough, until you learn the backstory: This list was dropped by a shoplifter.
9. List #1321: You for-got your cou-pon, you for-got your cou-pon,” (sung in taunting voice).
10. List #1177: Oh, you were doing so good! Such healthy food — then we flip the list over and see “Lard.”

Another year-end roundup

31 Dec 2007 | And that’s another year gone, much like my best jokes. What, you were waiting for something else?

1. List #1261: Hmmm. Considering this is New Year’s Eve, I’d say this person has a pretty damn awesome night lined up, even if they are going solo and doing a little math on the side.
2. List #1642: This one’s pretty awesome too. Maybe they should get together with #1?
3. List #1116: Hey Alexis, have you ever TRIED lobster? It’s way better than pink bubble gum.
4. List #1648: Nice. Self-directed sarcasm, bad dogs. Keeping it real. And very alone.
5. List #805: There’s beer, then there’s… (PS: Hey Georgia, nice job naming your towns!)
6. List #1002: Yay! Pigeon for dinner! (I know what they were really buying so please don’t write to tell me that you are smarter than I am. KTHXBYE.)
7. List #1121: Just because.
8. List #1207: I can make out “gum,” “pop” and “TV dinners.” I’ll assume the other things are unhealthy too.
9. List #1304: To bruff yer teef.
10. List #1705: If not for the “slab o’ ribs,” then maybe for the “whiskey,” or at the very least the “Boobs – cooked.”

Year-end roundup

8 Dec 2006 | This is the final 2006 edition of our sort-of semi-annual, kinda-traditional year-end roundup of great discarded lists. So without further ado, we present The Best Found Grocery Lists of 2006!

1. List #1138: “Tush cleaner” (!)
2. List #1199: If you read this the right way, it looks like they were shopping for “dog bacon” and “cat sausage.”
3. Sorry, there’s no 3rd-best list.
4. List #1231: This must be a shopping list for Jim Jarmusch’s new film, “Formula and Cigarettes.” If not, I feel sorry for that poor baby. Stop smoking, bad mom!
5. List #1331: I get the feeling someone’s having a very bad day.
6. List #1140: Multi-tasking is good. You can go grocery shopping and remind yourself that it’s not your fault you’re a loser at the same time! (See note at bottom of list.)
7. List #1116: And if Alexis is not good, she has to settle for lobster and Alaskan King Crab.
8. List #1301: Wash for your what?!
9. List #1368: “I never met a wine I didn’t like (except for Quail Ridge, Tortoise Creek, Carpineto and Latour Pinot Noir.)”
10. List #1114: All I need to tell you is that this list was found in West Virginia. It’s like the joke writes itself!
11. List #1286: Well, duh.

A compilation for a celebration

13 May 2006 | Hello, friends. It’s Top 10 Time again! This is a special Top 10, because this is the first Top 10 we’ve put together since we inked a book deal with HOW Books to whip up a real live book based on this grocery list collection. Do we rule? Yeah, we do. Now send your lists to me, but be sure to pre-order the book on Amazon first!

1. List #1054: “Next time you go shopping, please get some buttmilk. I like the store-bought much better than my homemade stuff.”
2. List #1096: At least it doesn’t say “Gin (for work)”
3. List #1030: Heart attack. Check.
4. List #1008: I know this should be a #1 list — but part of me is skeptical, and part of me is sympathetic. I mean, English is a pretty difficult language. (In other words: Holy crap.)
5. List #1006: I forget why I thought this should be a Top 10 list. Probably because it says “condoms.” Or “shreeded wheat.” Oh well. [UPDATE: Several kind readers inform me it's probably because "oatmeal flavored" appears right under "condoms." Ding! Thanks, I must've been asleep when I did this Top 10 list.]
6. List #553: So we can pour some milk and “drink” on the ground for Brock. :-(
7. List #605: WTF!?
8. List #557: No comment, because I have no idea. [UPDATE: Kind reader Grace informs me this is written in Korean. Thanks!]
9. List #563: I can’t believe it’s not better either, but for $1.19 — who cares?!
10. List #200: Not a grocery list, but a hunter’s to-do list. I mean, the marriage is pretty much doomed if you have to remind yourself to “Say goodbye to wife” — right? (And you must not be very good at hunting if you have to remind yourself to kill the deer. Twice.) [UPDATE: Kind reader Karen informs me Killdeer is a town in North Dakota, but I like it my way better. Thanks!]

Year-end roundup

28 Nov 2005 | So, in what has become a notorious, almost-annual round-up of lists of note, we shall now note lists of some notoriety… and to make this even more scandalous, nearly all of these were suggested by you, the readers!

1. List #505: “Oreo B Interdental Refills” — now I don’t know what an interdental refill is, but I am sure they are more fun to use if they’re made out of Oreos. Also, “bourbin.”
2. List #508: Supper? I do not know of this thing you call “Supper.” I will have cheese instead.
3. List #462: Where exactly do you work, my dear?
4. List #701: Your standard PMS shopping list.
5. List #849: Aaahhhhhhhhhh! Your life freakin’ sucks, my friend.
6. List #617: But your life will be better after you find that plastic surgeon.
7. List #615: If only for the “puffy iron-on letters”
8. List #509: Remember to throw the soda cans on the ground after you’re done with them!
9. List #514: Um, how do you spell sheik? Oh yeah, I need toothpaste.
10. List #539: Funny seeing the Grocer’s Apostrophe used on a grocery list.

Year-end roundup

26 Nov 2004 | After we were written up in The New York Times, I felt obliged to make a new Top 10 list. A month later.

1. List #407: Hmmmm. Did God tell me to use the knife? Or was it the hatchet?!
2. List #336: “Popcycles” — they’re cold … and FAST!!!
3. List #391: What, there’s no Spanish word for Swiffer?!
4. List #382: Just for the variety.
5. List #299: This was submitted, so it may be faked. If not, it’s kind of funny! (Ass soap, dog yogurt, gay midget porn)
6. List #384: If not for the the fact that they actually bought Vanilla Schnapps, then for the fact that they listed “junkfood” — as one word, even.
7. List #331: Don’t forget the 7-Up, dammit.
8. List #365: For the worst spelling of “bananas” so far.
9. List #329: “& whatever else you might want” — sweet!
10. List #449: Now, if you know you’re having spaghetti, why do you even need to make this list?

Top 10 #2

20 Apr 2003 | Spring, and a snarky attitude, was in the air.

1. List #270: I like this list because someone is obviously trying to start a new home.
2. List #286: Cool! A drunken smoking milkshake party! Fun!
3. List #273: “Nest Tea.” NEW IMPROVED FLAVOR! Now with EVEN MORE bird droppings!
4. List #275: Do you think Kay and Al like it when people just come over to their house and take their stuff?
5. List #232: When they ggo to the ggrocery store, I gguess they always gget a lot of hot doggs and hamburgger.
6. List #267: I guess they really needed toilet paper.
7. List #287: Just the basics. Now that’s the life.
8. List #228: You better be brushing your teeth if that’s all you eat.
9. List #240: Straight-Edge caffeine freak?
10. List #155: Good thing dentures don’t get cavities.

The original Top 10

7 Jan 2001 | Some say the only really funny Top 10. Whatever.

1. List #126: Huge thanks to Jennifer for sending this in. Many others agree that [this is good].
2. List #38: Two words: “poop bags.”
3. List #36: I really like the distinction between “Bud Light” and “good beer.”
4. List #7: This person needed to buy hangers for hanging up close in their closet! That’s right, they need “close hangers!!!”
5. List #9: “Suchi and strimp.” I love seafood too!
6. At the moment, there is no list worthy of being #6.
7. List #15: Two cans of “cream of salary soup.” Now that’s just like eating money.
8. List #20: I swear it looks like the last thing on the list is a naughty word. [UPDATE! A visitor informs me that it probably says Tuck's Medicated Pads!]
9. List #58: I just like how it could’ve been read “212 packs of ice cream bars” rather than “2 12-packs of ice cream bars.”
10. List #50: “No lunch meat.”

Hey!

Did you see a funny one in the collection that hasn’t made the Top 10 yet? Want to contribute lists to the collection? Email me and let me know.